A Long Time Coming

The grief and the joy, eleven years apart, held together by one day.

As I write this on Father’s Day, more than anything else in this world, I wish I had Alison back instead of being at a gun bill signing ceremony.

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Peter Read is a father who has been at this longer than I have. His daughter Mary was killed at Virginia Tech in 2007. That’s nearly twenty years of grinding, of lobby days and legislative sessions and heartbreak and incremental progress. When Peter stepped to the podium last week to lead the remarks at Governor Spanberger’s gun safety bill signing ceremony, I thought about what it means to be a member of the club nobody wants to join — and how much it matters that he’s still standing.

Peter Read Photo credit: Paul Allen Friedman

He was followed by another club member, a sheriff who chose to show up and stand for the law rather than defy it, and an ER doctor who tends to gunshot victims every single day. Between the four of us, we could tell you exactly what this fight costs. What it takes out of you. What keeps you going anyway.

I’ve known Peter since Barbara and I were became members of that club. He has always been gracious, always been generous, never anything but supportive even during the years when I was centerstage and he wasn’t. That kind of grace under that kind of grief is rare. It was fitting that he led the remarks yesterday. He’s earned it more than anyone in that room.

I first met Abigail Spanberger about ten years ago on lobby day at the Bell Tower in Richmond. She sought me out. She told me she was thinking about running for office and asked my opinion, which I gladly offered. I could tell she was going to be something special. She went on to win three consecutive terms in Congress, working across the aisle on legislation that actually helped people. But on guns, the federal level was a dead end — it still is — and after three terms she decided she could do more at the state level. That’s what brought her to the Governor’s mansion. And yesterday, it showed.

In her remarks, Spanberger spoke about how she’s been personally touched by gun violence. She signed more than twenty gun safety bills this session, making Virginia the eleventh state in the nation to enact an assault weapons ban. That and 19 others are new laws with real teeth, effective July 1st.

As twenty or so legislators and survivors climbed up to the dais, she caught my eye, gave me a quick smile, a “Hi Andy,” and a nod that said: glad you’re here.

I did something uncharacteristic. Barbara and I have a rule — we don’t ask for pictures with politicians or friends in the media. Darrell Royal, the legendary Texas football coach, once admonished a player for celebrating too much in the end zone: “Act like you’ve been there before.” That’s always been our approach. But I broke the rule yesterday. I asked Abigail if she’d mind taking a selfie with us. It was a no-brainer for her. I thought the gravity of the moment needed it. Eleven years of fighting for this, and I wanted proof that we were in that room.

As we were leaving, I told her she was going to be president one day. Dan Helmer was standing right next to us — my friend, the delegate who carried the assault weapons bill, who I believe will one day be Virginia’s governor. I meant every word of both.

There’s some history worth noting here. In 2015, in the immediate aftermath of Alison’s murder, Governor Terry McAuliffe signed executive orders on gun safety. They were mostly symbolic — there wasn’t much meat to them — but it was a start. He gave Barbara one of the pens he used to sign those orders. A nice gesture in an impossibly dark moment. Yesterday was different. Yesterday was the real thing.

Barbara had her own milestone that day. After seven years as Board Chair of the Virginia Commission for the Arts, she received a personal letter from the Governor thanking her for her service. Two Parkers, one extraordinary day.

There is a shadow over all of this, and I won’t pretend otherwise. Patrick County Sheriff Dan Smith, who I used to count as a friend, has announced along with the Commonwealth’s Attorney there that they will not enforce the assault weapons ban. They’re not alone — sheriffs and prosecutors in Smyth, Powhatan, Pulaski, Spotsylvania, and Scott counties have made similar declarations. Smith wrote: “Your Constitutional right to keep and bear arms will never be infringed upon by me or any member of my staff.”

We’ve accomplished much. But that stance makes clear we still have a ways to go.

Alison would have been beaming with pride. Just like we were when we used to watch her on television.

She was there yesterday too. Pinned to both our chests, the way she always is.

With our governor